Midterm Reflections
On top of my full-time day job in research integrity, I also teach part-time on Thursday evenings. I teach a 400-level class in Persuasion. It should be more fun than it is, but sometimes the whining and complaining gets the best of me.Tonight is the midterm exam - thought it starts at 6, I have 2 students who have already sat down to take it. One student who came by my office early to take it took 2 hours - and it's only 46 multiple choice and 12 short answer questions! You'd think I'd stabbed her from the way she crept into my office when she was finished. Whatever happened to the geeky students like me who actually enjoyed college?
Oh well...I figured I'd take a moment here to breathe and update the blog that doesn't get updated nearly often enough.
QueenBee over at My Ebenezer wrote recently about the tough days of being a mom. I'd like to give a cheer in response: Amen, Sista! It is so, so hard so many days. I am exhausted, and there are many days I question how good I am doing (though it is worth noting that I have absolutely no idea what I would do differently to be better). There are even moments when I must force myself to remember why I wanted this so badly. There are moments when I remember being blissfully single, or blissfully married with many fewer responsibilities. I wonder what I did with all the free time I had. I realize how much I frittered away (frittered is a cool word).
Cookie can throw a pretty decent tantrum. I must give the girl credit. She can become downright dramtic, animated, whiney and pathetic. She'll arch her back and throw her head back and kick her legs and become stiff. Of course, while all this is going on, she's also keeping a keen eye on us to check our reaction (Is this working?). At first, it was cute. I was even pleased that her development was progressing so nicely and that she was learning to be so expressive. Now, it is a frustrating reality. God bless my husband for his endless patience. He can handle any irritating behavior she can offer up, and not get angry. He keeps me in check, and is quick to offer to take her for a spell while I get my bearings. In fact, we do an excellent job of sharing tasks and baby-duties. Even as I type, he is picking her up from daycare and will play with her at home and even likely get her into bed all before I get home from class. It is a partnership I never fully comprehended.
I value my husband in brand new ways. It's quite amazing, really, when I consider my experiences with the male homosapien sapien. I have a lot of experience - damn good ones, really. But never have I valued partnership as I do now. I miss the physical intimacy, but we have nicer times together with Cookie between us now. A while back, my husband and I were lying in bed together about to fall asleep with a sleeping Cookie between us - when he stretched his leg out and began to rub my leg with his across the bed. He said it was "cricket love" and I giggled like a little girl. It was very special to me, and most every night now we have cricket love. Crickets should be so lucky.
I also have a deeper appreciation for house and home, and for the times when I can sink down into the sofa and just breathe and exist in the peacefulness that is my space. I now share my space with two others, but the space is alive and full and energizing. I feel older in some ways (my back, the circles under my eyes, the lack of energy), and younger in others (an anticipation of the future, a richer sense of humor, a more laid-back attitude about the "little things"). It's interesting how I am learning to reclaim myself even as I feel myself stretched to the limit in so many directions.
Hubby and I have decided to apply for positions at James Madison University. It would mean a position where I could teach full-time - it's a 3-yr. rotating appointment lecturer position - as well as a lovely faculty line in Michael's specialization. We have until Nov. 1 to get our materials in - so guess what we'll be doing this weekend? I know you're jealous - don't even try to hide it. Life's good here in Lexington, but Michael's department is less-than family-friendly (his department chair actually had her tubes tied in advance just to make sure children would not ruin her career - damn crumb-gatherers). Senior members of the department met and wrote (and distributed this summer) a department credo (no, I am not lying) that addressed that faculty should not allow family matters to get in the way of classes, office hours, appointments, and committee responsibilities. It was horrifying. I must post it here soon so all the world can read the insulting basura that is this so-called credo. BTW - the only people in his department that have children at home are 3 untenured males. How's that for reverse discrimination? Hubby asked wether his bringing Cookie to class with him was partly behind the "credo". He got a less than stellar response. Academics. Screw them all. Onward and upward we go - Cookie in tow.
(Ah, students are finishing in 45 minutes flat...not a good sign with those 12 short-answer questions. Well, less for me to grade!)
I really can't wait to get home tonight. It's so cold outside, and I know the house will be all warm and good-smelling with Brooklyn pizza, and LOST waiting to be watched from last night on the DVR (God bless the inventors of DVR.)
Ok, so far 6 different students have come up to ask me what the word "salient" means, and just as many have come up because they did not know what "mutually exclusive" meant. *sigh* 11 students left to finish - and 3 are now just sitting there staring off into space as if aliens are about to beam the answers down to them.
At 1 hr and 15 minutes, 8 are left... and one dude is now taking a break and eating cookies he brought in his backpack - honestly, folks, this is not your livingroom!
There's not much more to report on the home-front. Life is good, Cookie continues to thrive, and we are starting to make plans for the holidays (well, I am starting anyway).
November 4th our small group at church is having a baby shower for us and Cookie - that's as far back as we could convince them to push it. I just don't think they wanted to wait any longer. I've registered for a few things at Babys R Us, but honestly, I really don't want or need anything. Cookie's grandparents keep her well-dressed and stocked with plenty of good books, and we keep her well-stocked as well. I even broke down and bought her a pair of Robeez shoes. They are quite cute, albeit expensive in my book at $26 a pair.
We still talk about putting ourselves back on the list for placements, but it seems like each day holds new challenges that convince us to wait. Our one little girl sure is demanding.
I'm amazed at how beautiful Cookie is. Don't you other parents just stare endlessly at your kids? I pet her so much when she is sleeping that she often whines and rolls over as if to say "Enough, mommy - now let me sleep!" He hair and skin are so silky, and I love how she smells. As big as she is getting, I still love the feel of her against me. It will be sad when she doesn't want to be held anymore.
Well, one lone student is finishing up the exam - an hour and 45 minutes after he started. Ugh. I will now begin packing up to motivate him to finish!
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 10/12/2006 05:28:00 PM
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