Fostering to Adopt
Michael and I have committed to being foster-to-adopt parents. We understand this is a tough position to be in. Since it works differently in other states, I'll explain how it works here. There are fairly new permanency laws. No one wants to see children shuffled from one home to the next with little hope of having a permanent family. Too many kids were in permanent foster care, and too many were "graduating out" of the system - turning 18 and being on their own with no hope left for being adopted.KY doesn't want to place infants with a family who would not be willing to eventually adopt them IF parental rights are someday, for whatever reason, terminated by the courts. Once a child is placed in foster care, their case comes before a judge immediately and a plan is made for the birth family to follow. The courts have to hear a child's case on permanency by 18 months of foster care. This is when a judge either decides to terminate parental rights on the recommendation of the social workers and the Cabinet for Health and Family Services - or to extend the amount of time a birth family has to get it together.
We have asked to only have "legal risk" children placed with us. We want to adopt. We realize that legal risk is just a best guess by the judge and by social workers based on their expertise in seeing families struggle. In KY, social workers try to place legal risk children only into pre-adoptive homes, regardless of age. So, we would be willing to take a child up to age 2 who was a legal risk. We'd also take siblings if they were both young. We may change our minds someday regarding age, and accept older children. I hope no one will blame me for wanting a baby. We can't have biological children, and I'd like to have the experience of caring for a baby - even just once.
One example that creates a lot of legal risk is the big problem with meth in KY. It's no secret, and it's so sad. The average life span for someone who gets addicted to Meth as an adult is 5 years to live. Most likely, a child of a meth addict will never be able to be returned simply because getting clean is so difficult and time consuming. It may take years of treatment. Meanwhile, they don't want children just existing in foster care not knowing if they are ever going back to their parents.
The argument in KY from the perspective of birth parents is that they are not given enough time to clean up and get their lives in order. Many feel they are not given a fair chance when they are told, for example, that they have 6 months. Our teacher for foster parent training said that from her years of experience, if a child hast returned within 8 months and the birth parent has not shown progress, they most likely will never get their child back.
This puts foster families like us in precarious and painful positions. We will love each child that is placed with us. We are told we will likely go through several (if not many) placements before a child comes available for adoption. If no family wants the child, we would have "first rights" to adopt. We will go through what "regular" foster parents go through with visitations with birth parents and siblings, and working with social workers and birth parents to try to return the children.
This also means we may wait longer for a placement. Our social worker will be careful not to place children with us that she knows will be returned within a few months. It is nice that they want to save us unnecessary heartbreak too. And we will have heartbreak. We will love on a child and see it returned to its birth family, and our room will be empty again. But another will come along eventually. And one day one will be ready to adopt. And if all works out, we will become forever parents.
So, waiting is tough. But having a child leave our home we hoped would be ours will be much harder. I will cry. And then I will get better and do it again I'm sure. I've talked to foster parents who adopted, and none had to wait more than 2 years to adopt a child. For goodness sake, international adoption could take that long and cost more than 20K. If we can adopt a little biracial or African American child, the adoption cost will be free. Talk about a sign from God - God knows me and how I'd worry about money.
We know so little - we don't know gender or age (well, under 2 or so) or ethnicity. We don't know our "due date". The crib is ready. Our students all know and are so excited. Every Monday they want to know if we have a baby yet. So cute. I hope we get a call soon. I hate that in order to get a call, a family has to be ripped apart. It seems so unfair. But being on the call list feels like I'm being molded and shaped and prepared. Every day that goes by without a child is just one more day God needed to prepare us in some way.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 9/16/2005 02:25:00 PM
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