WE'RE APPROVED!
Got a message from our social worker and looks like everything is a go. This is the note, and although it is a bit personal, I figured I hadn't really held back on my blog before - so why start now. Here's how it read:It arrived in the mail today. I will add this to your file and everything should be good. The letter does encourage that you and Michael maintain joint counseling in reference to your martial issues and up coming parenting issues. Are you all in joint therapy? I was just wondering if you all saw someone when you needed, did not see anyone, or saw someone regularly. You will probably receive your approval letter within the next couple of weeks. I will place you all on the on-call list for placements. Let me know if there is anything that I can do for you.
I am relieved. I am also wondering what will happen next. I feel like we have been launched in a tiny boat out into the ocean with only our oars and fishing poles and life jackets. Our training gave us the bare necessities. We know so little about being parents. We do have marital issues. We will definately have parenting issues. We will undoubtedly argue and disagree, and probably fight. Well, I will fight - Michael will probably just leave and go for drives or work in the office.
An overwhelming wave of fear just washed over me as I've started to type just now. My hands are shaking and it's harder to type. I'm in my office. (long pause for a kleenex break...i can always blame my puffy eyes on my allergies) Calm down Tamara. Easy girl, God is keeping you safe - He will never leave you or forsake you.
Oh, this is funny. My mind just started obsessing about how filthy dirty our place is. Ish is everywhere. I haven't cleaned my bathroom in God only knows how long. Eeew. I mean, nothing visible is growing or anything, and it still looks white and doesn't smell bad, but you know...GERMS. But what if I clean and clean and scrub and bust my ass and then no baby? What if we are waiting for months? Oh no, I cannot keep the place clean for months on end.
Now the fun begins. Now I get to keep my cell phone on all the time and jump every time it rings wondering if THIS will be THE CALL.
I'm going to try not to get overly excited by the news. It could still be months. Besides, patience is not one of my gifts and I could use the practice.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 9/15/2005 04:08:00 PM
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