Day Dreaming
On days like today, when I can't seem to focus on anything or be "productive", I imagine my best-case scenario. If I could transform myself and my surroundings into anything in the world right now, where would I be and what would I be doing?Well, I'd be at a healthy weight. I'd be a nice size 10. I like 10 - it screams "perfect". I'd have red hair. I'd wear fashionable clothes. My complexion would be clear.
I'd be living somewhere out west - Colorado, Arizona - somewhere pretty and progressive without being left-wing radical. It would snow where I lived, and there would be all 4 seasons. There would be people of all shapes and sizes and shades - and lots of different points of view. There would be great theatre and music and food.
I'd be married to a man who wanted me. He'd be a wonderful kisser and a wonderful lover. He'd touch me all the time, and we'd make love whenever we got the chance. He'd be excited about being with me. He'd work hard and play hard. He'd be happy to come home at the end of the day. He'd love me and his family. We'd have one child. One's enough for me. Gender's unimportant. Healthy, cute, and smart, and happy - that's all that matters.
I'd be a convertible-driving mom. My silver car would have room enough for a car-seat in the back. Baby and I would go cruising on Sunday aftenoons.
I'd have a housekeeper. I would never again scrub a tiolet or the floor or vacuum.
What would I be doing?
I'd be singing regularly, somewhere - musical theatre, church, with a band - it hardly matters as long as I am doing it. I realized the other day as I was going through soundtracks how desperately I miss singing.
I'd be working - somewhere. Ideally, I'd be teaching college. I'd teach courses in family communication, and gender and sexuality.
I'd buy a fantastic camera and take photography classes. I'd build my own dark room and do my own processing. I'd enter art shows and sell my work.
I'd write and publish children's books just for fun.
I'd take a vacation every year to some new place I've never been to.
I'd visit my family every year - even if they didn't want to see me.
I'd have several really good friends in the town, and we'd go out together every week or so just for fun.
Every other week, I'd get a manicure and a pedicure.
I'd be active in my church and in ministry of some kind.
I'd cook fabulous gourmet food several times a week for dinner.
I wonder how close I can come to making those things happen - say, by the time I'm 40 - six years from now? I wonder if, at that point, I'll even care about these things?
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 6/23/2005 11:30:00 AM
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