Twisted
Yesterday, I discoved that my husband has meticulously saved IM correspondence with women that he met online and had phone sex with. He has them saved to his laptop that he uses for work here - with a job he started less than 9 months ago. These correspondences date back at least 5 years. I was disgusted to see how he has catalogued these writings and saved them in special files labeled with each woman's name. He tells them how much he loves them, while at the same time lamenting about his need for isolation and his depression. Sounds exactly like how he is today. Some people never change.These must have been the ideal relationship for Michael. He never met these women in person - never had to do anything for them. He never had to look them in the eyes, and he got to be in control. If he didn't feel like talking, he didn't have to. They were "girlfriends in a box" - in his computer screen, on his phone, arousing him mentally and physically, but requiring no giving. Perfect for the king of selfish.
So, Michael who has never talked to me during sex was sure able to run his mouth with these women enough to get them off over the phone. He's a selfish ass who cares more about himself than he ever will about anyone else. He's a coward, and liar. He claims he can't say anything during sex, or that he doesn't know what to say. Well, he sure knew how to charm the panties off women on-line in a former life. No sex drive? Bull shit. I know better now. He's lied to me and withheld from me enough.
The man who saved every bit of correspondence with these women didn't even want a photographer at our wedding. Revealing, isn't it?
He gave me up for this? He is sick, and I hate him more than I ever thought possible. I want to hurt him, get even with him, and make him pay. But I won't. He expects me to do that and somehow if he felt he paid the price, he could "buy his way out" of this mess of a marriage. At this point, the deficit is so bad there isn't enough he could do to make it up to me.
How am I supposed to take it now when he tell me he loves me when he has these chats with women on line and he told them he loved them every time he was online? Am I supposed to feel special? I feel angry, and sad for him. He traded me for his trophy letters. He has a real women next to him that he can't bring himself to be with sexually - yet he hangs on to every word he ever wrote to women he never met. He has trown me away for his cyber-sluts. Nice. Real nice.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 6/08/2005 01:36:00 PM
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