An Incredibly Hard, Yet Wonderful Weekend
Michael's aunt passed away last week. I didn't write about it because I didn't know what we would do or what would happen. We decided to go to Mississippi for the funeral - and due to the cost of plane tickets, we decided to drive. We also decided to take Sugar Cookie. It was a 609 mile drive (each way) that truly tested our love of this baby and our patience and tenacity.When we arrived, we were met in the yard by folks sprinting out of the house to say "hello" to us and snatch Cookie. We were prepared for this rejection by association. Cookie is much cuter and far more huggable than we are. The entire weekend she was held by no less than 50 people - at the house, at the visitation, at the memorial service. Whew. She cried only a couple of times, and fussed occasionally, but all in all was a real trooper.
But the big question we were not prepared for: What's her name? My FIL and MIL pretty strongly suggested that it was not good for Cookie to be 4 1/2 months old and not be being called by her name. The only problem is this: we don't call her by her birth name. As soon as we learned that we had a good chance of adopting her, we started trying to come up with names. Her birth name isn't bad - it just wasn't what we would have ever chosen. She may very well be the only child we ever have, and the only chance for us to name our own child. We have called her "Cookie", "Biscuit", "Baby", and "Gabigaboo" - and daycare has called her by her birth name.
I must say I was a bit embarrassed by the focus on her name. I felt like I had let her down by not committing to a name. I felt the need to decide. So, together with the help of lots and lots of family and friends, we made a decision:
Sugar Cookie will henceforth be known as:
Mia Elizabeth
MIA are Michael's initials, and how he signs most everything. It also means "mine", which has its own significance. To see the origins of the name, click here.
I'm happy with the name. It will take some getting used to. I'm not sure its a name I would have chosen without my husband, but with him it has great significance and I like that very much. To get her used to hearing it, we will be calling her "Baby Mia" and "Mia Cookie" for a while.
Undoubtedly, folks will disapprove of our changing her name before parental rights are even terminated. But, if you understand how doggone slowly this process works, you know she could potentially be old enough to know her own name long before that happens. So, it will be the name that we call her. We have thought about the potential "problems" with this, and have decided they are less severe than her not having a name she recognizes as hers. We've heard of other foster parents calling the baby something other than their legal name for a variety of reasons (i.e. pending adoption or unfortuante birth name). We have not asked permission to call her Mia Elizabeth. It is the one thing we are taking control of ourselves. As many of you know, we have so many limitations as it is - this liberty we feel is one worth taking.
On this blog, she will probably continue to be Cookie. But I wanted to share the process, and to admit the difficult time we have had. It is all a part of the struggle. We are the only family she knows - the only one she has now. Two hours of visitation with Biomom in February does not constitute a mother-child relationship. I may be a foster mom, but for all purposes for this child, Michael and I are all she has.
She is now a part of our extended family. This weekend she bonded with her grandmother and grandfather, Aunties Tesha and Marlene, Uncle Jay and cousin Deuce. They loved her. To them, she was already a part of the family.
A funny story from the weekend: Cookie's new cousin Deuce is 3 years old. One morning he was playing with his toys on the floor while Cookie was in her bouncy seat. He looks up at me and asks, "Aunt Tamara, is the baby old enough to play cars with me?" I said, "No Deuce, she's too little. She can't even sit up by herself yet. We have to wait until she's a little bigger - but that will be soon I promise." He seemed okay with that. Fast-forward to that evening. Deuce is on the floor again, playing with his cars, and he looks up at me and asks, "Is she big enough NOW to play cars with me?" We all tried hard not to crack up - he asked so sincerely. When I told him she would be big enough at Christmas, he looked very, very sad. Then I remembered that for a 3-year old, Christmas seems like 8 years away.
It was a hard weekend. We got back late Sunday night after driving all day. Cookie did well in the car, and only fussed to eat, get a diaper change, or take a break every few hours. I was relieved. But now we have to turn around this weekend and do the very same thing, for it is Michael's sister's college graduation and we couldn't miss that. Ugh. What a month this has been already. Can I get off the roller coaster now, please?
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 5/09/2006 12:32:00 PM
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