My Pre-Midlife Crisis

I'll Take "Gastroenteritis" for $60, Alex

We took the 3 little ones again this weekend. For those of you just joining me, the 3 are as follows: 7 month old Kewpie, and 21-month old twins Bo and Luke. Bo is much bigger than his twin brother, more outgoing, and more verbal. Luke is extremely shy, and has what we all feel are delayed verbal/speech skills - but it is way too early for a diagnosis, especially by my non-MD self. Kewpie weighs 21 pounds. She is so big, she has to wear clothes for a 12 month old, and even then, sometimes the legs are too tight. Apparently, whoever was caring for her pre-foster care was feeding her whole milk and mashed potatoes. Lovely.

Saturday morning at 7 came bright and very, very early. The kids were happy to see us and Bo and Luke climbed out of Workingmom's car, and quickly ascended the 3 flights of stairs up to the apartment to settle in to watch cartoons. They played with the cat, and Luke quickly found the Hershy bar I had taken out of the freezer earlier and placed on the shelf. By the time we found him, he was already chocolate-covered and enjoying himself so much we decided to let it go. We gave Kewpie a bottle and proceeded to change 3 sets of diapers. It seemed everyone had a bad case of the poopies. Liquid poopie coming out of everywhere. But we cleaned everyone up, and all was well with the world again.

For breakfast, I made orange rolls with icing, and Bo and Luke nibbled while Kewpie eyed them just knowing it was something delicious she couldn't have. Instead, she feasted on a bottle, and after I put her in her walker, I gave her a Biter Cookie, which she sucked on with much delight. Afterwards, I had to change her and give her a clean outfit while I washed the cookie-covered outfit.

Nap time went well, but Kewpie doesn't take long naps - just short 15 minute cat-naps then she sits in the crib and cries. Michael managed to get some work time in while we were all napping peacefully in the bedroom.

Dinner was a disaster. I had laid out milk and Uncrustable PB&J sandwiches for the boys, and had put in a tray of frozen mac n' cheese for Michael and I since I was too tired to cook. Well, as soon as the boys saw the mac and cheese they started to scream and cry like they were being stabbed. I swear, you'd have thought someone was beating them. They refused to leave the kitchen unless I physically carried them out and placed them in the livingroom.

We finally got it to end by giving them the damn mac n' cheese. Who knew. I know it's bad parenting. I know it just reinforces the screaming and crying. But at least we did not give it to them until we had eaten, and until they were quiet.

When Workingmom picked them up at 5, we were glad to see her and get some rest.

Saturday night - we slept like babies, exhausted from being outnumbered. Nookie was a distant wish at that point.

Sunday morning I made scrambled eggs and cheese toast. I set some out on little animal paper plates for the boys with small forks that they love to use. Almost immediately, the small portion of scrambled eggs had vanished. Michael shoveled some of his eggs onto their plate. They ate them all. I shoveled some of mine onto their plate, and again, they vanished. At last, Michael sacrificed the last of his breakfast to the two scavengers who scarfed down more food than I have ever seen 2 toddlers eat in my life.

The trip to church went well. They ran into the building and into the nursery like they were entering Disneyland. By the time service was over, they didn't want to leave.

All 3 fell asleep in the car on the way home. I have heard that this is not a good thing, and that if they fall asleep in the car, they will not nap when you get home. Bo went down for the count, and Michael carried him upstairs with no problem. Luke woke up and immediately started crying for no apparent reason. Kewpie also woke up and was ready to play and "talk" and laugh and coo. Sheesh. I "rocked" Luke in my arms until he settled down, and I laid down with him in bed next to Bo until he too fell asleep. Kewpie never did take a nap. Whew!

After naps, we did more diaper changing and I made a late lunch of chicken tenders and curly fries/tater tots. Bo woke up first and feasted on chicken tenders dipped ----no, not dipped, more like COATED in BBQ sauce. He coated them so much, sauce was everywhere. On him, on the chicken, and on the floor. When the BBQ sauce was gone, we wanted ketchup, which he did essentially the same thing with - coating his chicken tender and sucking off the sauce and doing this repeatedly until the chicken was nice and soggy before eating it. Luke finally woke up and proceeded to do the very same thing. Michael fed Kewpie another bottle while I watched the boys eat.

After diaper and clothes changes for all, we went outside to wait for Workingmom. The boys ran and ran and ran up and down the wood sidewalk that stretches from the parking lot to the first level apartments. They giggled as they listened to the sound the wood made underneath their feet. They were glad to finally see Workingmom pull up to get them. We were happy to see her too. We were very, very tired.

Back in the house, we didn't clean up much, but we took showers and tried to relax. We laid down in bed rather early, and our stomachs hurt ---- bad. I took a couple of Tums and laid back down. Still hurt. I took Pepto Bismol. Still hurt. Michael said his stomach hurt too, but that his whole body hurt, so he couldn't tell where the hurt was coming from more. We laughed and tried to fall asleep. I took more Tums, then felt it. All of a sudden I ran to the bathroom where the all-too familiar feel in my mouth informed me of what was about to happen. I believe that my stomach was deamon-possessed and that every single deamon at the exact same time decided to come out of my mouth. I now know what parents mean by "projectile vomiting". Been there, done that. I thought for a few minutes that I could die here on the bathroom floor. When I emerged, I sat in the chair at my makeup table, and started to cry. I felt so awful, I just cried for no good reason. And Michael was so scared he asked if I needed to go to the ER. Nope, I just wanted sleep. But I was up and down all night and my body ached so bad I could hardly walk to the bathroom.

At 8 am Monday morning, I conceeded that I was not making it in to work, and emailed folks to let them know, and I went back to bed. Michael had decided to get up and go in to the office, but once he got in to his bathroom, he realized that the deamons had also posessed his stomach as well - and were quickly departing. He came back in the bedroom and let me know, which of course prompted any deamons remaining in MY stomach to want to deapart as well, lest they be left behind. By the time I was able to crawl out of bed yesterday afternoon, I hurt so bad I wondered how long this might last. I wondered how the kids and Workingmom were, yet I had barely enough energy to make it to the computer to email my students to cancell class last night and get back into bed. En route, I managed to make a bowl of grits and keep those down. Michael came home with Ginger Ale and ice cream, which seemed to help some last night.

I do not remember the last time I was this sick this bad. When we did respite care for Bumblebee (who was 3, and had a slight cold/cough), we found out what the croup was, and managed to get that pretty bad. Now, we were learning what gastroenteritis was first-hand. We had better have some serious immunities for what we have been through. Thanks, God, for the tests! Yes, I still want kids - but I want MINE, thank you very much. If I am going to barf up a lung, I want to do it because MY kids give it to me, not someone else's! We may have gotten it just from changing diapers. We may have gotten it from somewhere else altogether. We will never know.

I called Workingmom and she and the boys are just fine. That is very good news. I would not wish this on anyone. I was so hot I soaked the bed sheets. My body hurt so much, it was a struggle to move just to make it to the bathroom. I honestly do not know how I got up this morning , dressed myself, and made it in to the office. Michael was still sound asleep when I left. I was glad he was resting, so I left him in dreamland.

The good news is that I am feeling okay here at my desk today. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the day today, but since I'm already blogging well into lunch, I think I can survive the rest of the day if I take it easy.

I am thinking that Chicken Pot Pie from Lee's Famous chicken sounds good tonight. Comfort food. Warm food. Yummy food. That is what I need.

So, when Melanie calls and tells us she has a placement for us, and it's just one kid - we're going to be like, psssshhhh!, you think that's work? Ha! We are so ready now. Bring it on.

posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 10/04/2005 12:39:00 AM