Decisions, Decisions
Well, I just got a voice mail message from the foster mom of the 3 little angels we watched last weekend. It seems she has to also work this weekend and next weekend at least before they are able to change her work schedule. She wanted to know if we could take the kids again this weekend and maybe next weekend while she works.I called Michael. We are meeting at 8 tonight for dinner - and I told him he could think about it until then. I would not blame him if he were not jumping for joy.
They demand a lot of attention. Michael has so much work to do and a conference submission deadline, article re-writes to do, and student tests to grade. They kids are sweet, but they are a handfull. Their foster mom paid us $60 for Saturday and Sunday from 7-5 ($30 each day). That is not much money to watch 3 kids all day, but it would help us save money to buy that rocking chair that I want for the nursery, or the changing table I desperately need if I am going to change that many diapers. But it's not like we couldn't afford to buy those things without the extra money.
Oh, how tired we were come Sunday evening. Everything hurt. Can we do that again? Should we do that again if we are that serious about becoming parents? Oh, but 3 is a lot. We were outnumbered. And when we become parents, we had only asked for one - maybe 2 at the most. Three is a lot - oh, yeah, I said that already.
My heart wants to do it, but my head says no. The house is still a wreck from last weekend. The kitchen is filthy. The only thing I have done is laundry. And all day Friday I'll be at a conference in Cincinnati. Mercy.
Well, the up-side is that we know their personalities and what they like to eat, and we still have animal crackers and apple juice in the house. We also have more books now that I bought on ebay this week. The three car seats are still installed in my car.
The down side is the consumption of our free time, our down time - our weekend. I am still selfish. And I have this selfish feeling that I'd rather give up my weekend for kids that are "mine" - my foster kids, my kids. Ugh. If I babysit too much, I'll get attached. Then if they come up for adoption, their foster mom will get to adopt them - not us. Ugh.
Well, we will need to decide tonight and call Workingmom back so she can make plans. Geez, she really doesn't see her kids much if she picks them up at daycare at 5 and drops them off at 7 am, and doesn't see them on the weekends until time for dinner and bedtime. It must be tough for her. I can understand why she would want to do this. I understand wanting to be a mom, even if it's not convenient. I can't be upset with her anymore. She wants to be a mom. This I understand.
Oh, God, what do you want us to do? Please guide us to make the decision you would have us make.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 9/28/2005 05:25:00 PM
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