baby development

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Sexy is as Sexy Does

"What first attracted you to Michael?", folks asked me when I came home from the November 2001 NCA conference and couldn't stop rambling about him.

"Everything", I'd coo. (Tamara makes the universal sign of "putting a finger down my throat".) I felt like it was everything. Now everything seems to piss me off. But he's still damn sexy. And as pissed off as I might get, I still find him drop-dead gorgeous.

So, what constitutes sexy? Inquiring men all over the world want to know.

But why trust me on the issue? What are my credentials, you might ask.

Well, I'm a woman. I have a vagina and I like it.
I've had sex with men (more than a handful - let's keep it at that).
I have 42DD breasts - that's gotta count for something, right?
I have an MA in communication, and stopped just shy of finishing my PhD.
Somehow, I feel the first three count for more.
Do I need more than that?

So, here's what I find positively sexy:

Sexy men have a brilliant mind and a quick wit tempered with a know-how about when to keep your mouth shut.

Sexy men have a seemingly endless supply of touching techniques. Sexy men know how to cuddle, caress, pet, grab, grope, fondle, tickle, flick, pinch, lick, suck, nibble, tease, slap, spank, rub, and massage. And they bring out the toolbox of techniques at just the right time as well as the completely unexpected time.

Sexy men are full of surprises. My sexy man got out of bed and went and gassed up my car and bought me a hot Krispy Kreme doughnut all while I was in the shower getting ready for work this morning. Now that is sexy. Damn, he's confusing.

Sexy men admire you with their eyes and smile at you.

Sexy men know how to kiss, and they know it involves hands and fingers, eyes, lips and tongue, and sometimes even your entire body.

Sexy men shave. I find it very hard to believe that most women would have wanted Constantine Maroulis or Bo Bice from American Idol in their bed as is. As "bad boy" as we might like them, we still want them to clean up and shave. Nothing screams "I don't give a shit about my appearance" quite like a man who hasn't made friends with a razor recently. A moustache and goatee can be wicked sexy - but clean up the rest, will ya?

Sexy men make the first move at least as often as you do. No matter how long the relationship has been going on, a sexy man will find a way to fondle you in the kitchen, or tell you how hot you make him while you are sitting next to him on the sofa watching something very non-sexy on TV.

A sexy man pursues you and fights for you. When the chips are down and the tension is high, a sexy man makes a decision and goes all out. He doesn't wring his hands worrying about the possible negative outcomes.

A sexy man focuses on the future instead of the past. He doesn't save memorabilia of ex-girlfriends and ex-wives. He creates memories with you, and actively plans for your future. He makes it clear that you put the relationships of his past to shame. He is outwardly grateful for you.

Sexy men openly share their fantasies, and don't worry about how bizarre they might seem. Sexy men pursue the fantasies worth fulfilling and want to fulfill yours.

Sexy men don't have careers that make up their entire identity. Sexy men play and relax and laugh and have friends.

Sexy men don't complain. They take aches and pains and problems and setbacks in stride.

Well, my sisters - how's that for starters? Anyone care to further contribute to the list?