Not "Picture Perfect" Foster Parents
We have been asked to submit pictures that will go into the file on us as foster parents. We have been asked to include pictures of us, pictures of our home, and even pictures of our pets. The problem is - we are not "picture people".There are times when I am in other people's living rooms and notice their pictures. Some people even have recent pictures adorning their desks at work, or the walls of their homes. It seems foreign to me. I believe in my house there are more pictures of famous musicians than there are pictures of my husband and I.
For example, here in my office at work, I have three pictures of my husband and I. Two of them are lovely professional pictures in a side-by-side frame. These pictures were taken three years ago. We look like we have aged at least 5 years since then. Another small picture is one we had made a year ago - at WalMart. Yes, WalMart. My girlfriend and I were playing around and wanted to go get some 'el cheap-os made, and I decided to drag my husband along so we could have some more recent pictures of the two of us. They turned out OK.
There has only been one picture of the two of us taken since then - and it did not turn out. It was taken last month when we were at the zoo - and it got double-exposed. So much for that idea.
To add to the problem, I have been shopping for a digital camera...for well over a year now. I have no idea what to look for, or how to just commit to one and go buy it. I keep fearing I'll make a dreadful mistake and end up with a $300 piece of junk I can't even sell on ebay.
I called my mother today to see if she had any recent pictures of she and my dad. Apparently not. The most recent pictures they have were from my brother's wedding 8 months ago. She did, however, offer recent pictures of the cat and my brother's new puppy. This did not help. Clearly, I am not from a picture-taking family. But I do remember there being a lot of pictures taken of my brother and I when we were growing up. After age 18, the picture-taking ceased. The older I got, the more I hated having my picture taken. It seemed to only chronicle my weight gain and the aging process (which I know is natural, but still hold some stigma for women).
My husband has loads of pictures of he and every ex-girlfriend he ever had - he still has them. But the only pictures he has of he and I are the various snapshots taken at our wedding. (No, we did not have a professional photographer there - don't get me started on that one. My husband didn't think we needed one, and was therefore a royal pain in the ass and I ended up giving up since I didn't live in the city we got married in and did not know a single photographer.) These pictures, in addition to being fairly poor quality, are now over a year old. And they are wedding pictures. We have no "this is us on vacation", or "this is us at the beach", or "this is us in the snow", or "this is us by the Christmas tree". Nothing. Three years together and we have no pictures. Perhaps I should just go with pictures of Michael and his ex-girlfriend. At least he looks happy in those.
It's really quite sad. Here I am about to put together a lifebook for a foster child, and I never even put one together for the life I have with my husband. I guess there wasn't much to celebrate. If you don't have children, what do you take pictures of? Vacations? Well, if you don't take vacations, what do you take pictures of? Outings with friends? Well, if you don't get together with friends...You get my point.
We have nothing to put in this photo album of us. My husband's life consists of the same routine - he gets up, showers, sits at the computer and writes, he runs a few errands to the store or post office, returns to sitting at the computer, grabs a snack, more computer, plays on ebay, reads ESPN news online, writes some more, watches ESPN or shops for sports gear on ebay while I make dinner, eats dinner with me while watching Jeopardy, then does the dishes, returns to the computer while I pick up the house, watch some TV, and get ready for bed. On occasion he will go to bed with me. Other times he will return to the computer again until 1 or 2 am. And the next day it starts over again. On Saturday he may get out of the apartment with me while I do some shopping, or running errands - otherwise, he is either in front of the TV watching a game, or in front of his computer - or both if he brings his laptop home. Sundays are to church and home, and maybe out to lunch - then he watches ESPN the rest of the day, and returns to the computer at night to "work" before Monday hits. This is not the picture of excitement, but he says he likes his life like that because he is content. Sadly, I have fallen victim to the monotony. I no longer cruise through the paper and online looking for cool things to do on weekends. I sit.
In the past, I have gotten a hotel room out of town somewhere only to be sorely disappointed when Michael wanted to do nothing but watch TV in the hotel room and sleep. No big photo opportunities there.
You might wonder what happened to summer. Did we not have vacation days? Yes. Did we take them? No. Why? Because my dear husband was never motivated to go anywhere or do anything. When I ask, he says we can "do whatever you want to do. Just let me know." Uh-huh. Okay, I get it. No thanks. He actually asked me last week if I wanted to go anywhere this summer. And he has to start teaching classes in three weeks, and as far as I know he's not prepared to teach any of them. And now I'm at a spot at work where I can't take vacation because we're in a bind. If I had scheduled it like normal people do, I'd have been able to take it. But now, we are out of luck.
Now, I'm feeling like the part in the movie Greencard where the couple frantically takes pictures of themselves in all sorts of pretend situations with a Polaroid in hopes of convincing people that they have been together for a long time and done all kinds of exciting things together.
Frankly, this makes me worry. I'm worried that a poor child would have a boring life with us. From the start, I knew it would be up to me to do things with this new child-to-be. I just hope there are more pictures taken and more real living done once he/she comes to live with us. Right now, there's just nothing going on worth capturing. Perhaps I need to just get off my butt and go do things on my own - and start handing a camera to complete strangers and asking them to take a picture of me. Then, at the very least, I'm got some Kodak moments.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 7/26/2005 04:20:00 PM
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