Adventures in On-Line Dating III - Jar Jar Binks Man
One of my early matches on eharmony was Mike. Mike was (and still is) a middle school teacher about 45 minutes north of Columbus. For all intents and purposes, Mike seemed like my ideal match. He was a Christian, never married, educated, a teacher, and he wanted to get married and have a family - and he wasn't pussy-footing around about it either.We met at a Chinese restaurant in Columbus - my territory this time. He was a great conversationalist and we had a marvelous time at dinner. But he was definitely not my type physically. He was average height, not exactly in shape, kind of frumpy, and balding. Now, balding is not bad if you cut the rest of your hair. Mike didn't have a comb-over, but how he did like to wear his hear was almost as horrendous - he wore it shoulder-length. Oh, mercy. It was rather Gallagher-esque. Why would an otherwise intelligent man do this? And he didn't have a great deal of fashion sense. But everything else was really quite nice. He was gracious and polite, smart and rather funny. I figured he'd clean up well - I could always send him to my stylist and buy him some new clothes. He seemed "workable" at least (wink, wink).
I invited him back to my place for coffee, and he accepted. And we ended up...drinking coffee. Amazing, really. I completely enjoyed myself with Mike. He enjoyed himself, and I liked that tremendously. We talked about our education and the classes we taught. We talked about church and our family backgrounds. Tame and wonderful things were what our night was all about. I was pretty content, truth be told. On his way out, he asked if I'd like to get together 2 weeks from then for dinner and a movie. Great!, I thought. I was genuinely pleased to at least have a plan for companionship and conversation. He liked me when I was being myself, and that made me feel good. We hugged, and kissed on the cheek. It was awkward, but sweet.
He emailed the next day to tell me what a great time he'd had. I replied in kind, and added that it was a shame I had to wait 2 weeks for great company again. He replied - "Why wait?" So, that next weekend we were out again, doing the dinner and movie thing. Again, not much in the romance department, but we had a great time. Throughout the weeks ahead, we would email and talk occasionally in the evenings about our days as we planned for the start of the fall semester of teaching. During the weekends, we went to West Point lake several times, and one weekend we went to look at houses for sale in the area just for fun. I drove up to visit him a couple of times during the week in the evenings just to grab a bite to eat and chat for a while.
Mike once came to Columbus to go to church with my friend Megan and I. He took us to a Presbyterian church he thought we might like. Um...we didn't. Megan kept making these little faces at me during the service and I wanted to crack up. Mike, who was sitting to the other side of me, was dead serious. Megan and I were used to a bit more "lively" of a service, to say the least. Throw in some clapping or hip-movement for cryin' out loud. Megan's Aunt Pam met the three of us for Chinese for lunch. Megan and Pam were not impressed with Mike. At time he could come across like a "downer" - skeptical and jaded about numerous things. At various points in the conversation, he went off on one of his "hell in a handbasket" trips that I'd grown used to (and actually found mildly amusing in small doses).
You're wondering when this story "goes bad", right?
Well, I knew Mike was a Star Wars fan. (Echos of "here goes" can now be heard throughout cyberspace.) Correction- I knew he was a huge Star Wars fan.
I also knew Mike lived with his aging father - in the same house he had lived in (sitting down?) his entire life. Yes, Mike had gone to college nearby, and had never not lived at home. Oh, sweet mercy. Now, I understand that he was an only child to older parents, and that his mom got sick with cancer pretty young, and Mike stayed home to help. And I understand that his dad got older, and eventually got sick. But Mike, come on now.
So, the first time I visited Mike, I also got to meet his Dad. He was a kind and gentle (and frail) man you had to yell at while looking right at him in order for him to hear and understand you. I liked him - and brought him a homemade apple pie the next time I visited.
But the scene in Mike's bedroom and office were a little too much - for even me. As I walk into Mike's home office, the first thing I see standing before me in all its splendor is a life-sized Darth Vader. Standing next to Vader is a life-sized Darth Maul. Maul is clad in all his garb along with a WWF wrestling championship belt of some sort. Hmmm. I spun around to check out the rest of the room. There was a light saber under glass, and next to that was a life-sized version of Han Solo frozen in the carbonite. "Wow, that's quite a collection", I managed to eek out. "Ah, wait 'til you see my bedroom", Mike replied. Oh dear. Yes, in his tiny bedroom at the foot of the bed stood a life-sized Jar Jar Binks (the character you really wanted to see die because he was so annoying). I asked if he intended to keep these things long-term. He looked puzzled at the mere question.
In addition to our many commonalities, Mike and I also had several striking differences. I simply couldn't see myself with Mike for the rest of my life. And in all fairness, I couldn't keep pursuing a relationship with someone knowing that truth. But he knew it too - he wanted to live in West Point, GA for the rest of his life. There was absolutely nothing in West Point - except Mike's memories, and his job. Even the mill had closed down, and the lake had become more polluted over the years. I dreamed of moving to a metropolitan city and getting out and doing all kinds of things. Clearly, this wasn't going to work.
The night I realized that on a drive home from West Point, I got into my car and had a message. It was from another guy I'd met on eharmony. It was the first time I'd heard his voice. It was Joe. He wanted to talk. I call that perfect timing.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 7/20/2005 04:45:00 AM
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