baby development

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

PCOS

Diagnosis: Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). It sounds worse than it is. All the irregular menstrual cycles, adult acne, steady weight gain, skin tags, excess body hair, elevated testosterone levels, and depression - all symptoms of PCOS. You'd have thought that a doctor at some point before now would have put 2 and 2 together and come up with 4. Now after blood tests and an ovarian ultrasound, I have a firm diagnosis. Immature eggs in my ovaries never fully developed and formed cysts. I have most likely had this since puberty, but no one will ever know.

"Normal" women have testosterone levels between 14 and 74. My first blood test revealed I had a testosterone level of 89. I went around joking to my husband and friends that I was a manly woman. But inside I was really scared. My physician asked if I'd ever thought of myself as having a (and I quote him here) "raging libido". "Oh, hell yeah", I thought. "Absolutely", I answered. He said that might change with medication to help possibly restore my cycles to normal.

My physician, God bless him, has had me on Metformin (glucophage) for about 2 months now. So far, so good. I hadn't had a cycle since Christmas 2004, and in March I had my first of the year. It was a celebration. My complexion is better - not perfect by any means, but the acne treatment stays in the medicine cabinet far more often than in did. The excess hair is still there, so the tweezers still have their prominent location on my vanity countertop. My last blood test revealed a significant drop in my testosterone levels - I am now a 63.

As for my "raging libido", it is not raging anymore. It's there, but now it sits patiently like a well-behaved child, not speaking unless spoken to. I am sure my husband is relieved to not be perstered so much anymore, and to actually go to bed to sleep. I don't get as angry anymore thanks to less testosterone. But I'm tired a lot, and the Metformin sometimes upsets my stomach enough to stay close to a bathroom on really bad days. Overall, I feel different. I don't necessarily feel "better", just different. What used to make me mad now just brings me to tears. That does not relieve my husband, who in that regard has no earthly idea what is going on with me. I've wondered about trying to put it into words, but every time I try, I fail.

I think what's making me cry the most is that now that the dust has cleared, I'm left with a final prognosis - likely infertility. If I don't ovulate regularly, I'll likely never be able to conceive. And women with PCOS are about twice as likely to have a miscarriage if they do conceive. Infertility. Infertility and I have to come to terms here, and soon.