It's Hard
Sometimes I cross over into blog-land and check in on my friends and those I'm praying for and think, "Is there an echo in here?"For those of us who went about getting our children "the hard way", or who (like me) are still waiting to "technically" get their children "for keeps", it seems even harder to admit it when things just aren't so rosy. We feel guilty for complaining. After all, if we worked so hard for this child, and wanted them so very badly, then why do we feel down?
Because we're parents?
The strain of parenthood has seeped into my marriage. Before that, it seeped into my body. Geez, I've gained weight, gotten even darker circles under my eyes, lost all my fingernails, deepened a few wrinkles, and lost a lot of my "sparkle".
I've gotten my hair done again - wow - twice in a period of 3 months. That, friends, is a major accomplishment. But if I hadn't had a $250 gift certificate that was going to expire soon, I'd never have spent that kind of time and money on my hair. But ooooh, has it been worth it. I look more like my avatar and less like my picture now. Gone are the long dark brown locks (*sigh*, they were pretty) - but taking their place are highlighs of auburn and chestnut over dark auburn short layered hair. I am funky-mom!
But, this parenting thing is tough.
Cookie DESPISES being put in the crib, and sleep in our home just isn't happening. That child can scream and cry for hours. We have yet to discover her limits because by the time midnight rolls around and she is still waking up every half hour screaming, WE HAVE to get some sleep. So, we give in.
"Baby steps on the bus." (guess the movie)
Anyone ever tried "Baby Bliss Gripe Water"? They sell it at Wild Oats, and I'm fixin' to give it a whirl. It's supposed to help with everything from colic to gas to teething. If it can get me another hour of sleep, I'll pay just about anything.
Still no change in my love life. That disgusts me, but then again, so does looking at my sleeping husband who is snoring while I lay listening to the baby screaming in her crib in the nursery across the hall. That does not endear me to him. Honestly, he does not even LOOK attractive to me anymore.
I want to slap him.
At least I shall return home today to a clean house. The woman who cleans for us should be done around the time I get home. I tell ya, it's the best $80 I could spend. It soulds expensive, but you should see how messy I can be. You'd want more than $80.
Oh, in good news, my parents have actually set a date to meet the baby...in November. She will be 11 months old before they meet her.
Sad, really. They are just too scared that if they meet her, she will be returned to birth relatives. Fear makes us do (or not do) really stupid things.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 8/08/2006 03:54:00 PM
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