How I Did...
Some success is still success, right?Last night, I managed to:
Get home by 6
Play with Cookie
Make dinner
Talk to hubby a little about "issues"
Eat said dinner
Feed Cookie
Give Cookie medicine for stuffiness/teething
Bathe Cookie
Strip the crib of all accoutrements
Put clean crib bedding on
Get Cookie in said crib at 9:25
Get myself into bed by 9:45 - hot, sweaty, completely exhausted, and a bit angry
I didn't manage to:
Rearrange nursery to accomodate the crib
Get crib taken apart to get through the door and into the nursery
Get Cookie to sleep in the crib for longer than 2 hours
What went wrong:
By the time I finished doing everything I needed to do last night, Cookie had fallen asleep sitting up leaning against my husband who was lying in bed watching me strip the crib. I have gotten advice from other parents that you need to put the baby in the bed before she is completely asleep. Didn't happen last night - she was so racked out, she didn't move. I was grateful, but once I get her in the bed, I couldn't fall asleep because I was so wound up, angry at my husband for not having anything to say except "Is this about sex? If it's about sex, we can have more sex." Geez freakin' Louise. He's so smart, such a brilliant researcher and writer, but sometimes he seems clueless. I tried to explain that while technically yes, it was about sex, that it was about much more than just the mere act. It fell on deaf ears, I'm afraid. But we've had this talk so many times before and after marriage, that I'm just sick of having it. It cycles - I get upset enough about lack thereof, and I bring it up because I can't keep it inside any longer. I talk, cry, recover - he sits there - we eventually have some sex, then we don't, then it starts all over again. Same old story.
I also hadn't gotten the crib moved into the nursery - big mistake as then the crib is 5 feet away from our bed. And my Cookie can holler (she is from Kentucky after all).
So, I went to bed at 9:45 and frankly could have used the sleep, but it never happened. At 11:15, Cookie woke up screaming and crying. I laid in bed. Hubby never moved, and was snoring. 11:30 - still screaming and crying. I get up, comfort Cookie and pat her, slide her away from the bars where she has wedged herself in a corner with arms sticking through the bars and legs up under her. Cookie hollers worse, but I cover her and return to the bed. At ll:45 she is still going - stronger than ever. Hubby is still snoring. I finally pick her up and feed her a bottle and she falls asleep, but as soon as I put her down, she resumes screaming. The next time I go to the crib, she scrambles to her knees and literally claws at my arms to pick her up like she is drowning. Guess what? I gave in. Looking at the clock saying midnight and your husband sleeping clueless next to you - and you give in. I laid her beside me and she fell asleep amidst sobs. I shoved Michael awake because I had to pee and didn't want her to fall out of bed. He offered to "take her downstairs". A lot of good that would have done!
I must have fallen asleep around 1 because that's the last time I recall looking at the clock before Cookie woke up screaming next to me at 5:00. I fed her breakfast, and she fell back asleep. I laid in bed until the alarm went off, and went about getting ready for work - while hubby continued to sleep peacefully in the bed. By the time I left at 8 (very, very late for work), he had just gotten out of the bed. Lovely. Must be nice.
I am so, so tired today. Perhaps I should have tried to start this on a Friday night so I didn't have to get up at 6 the next morning. I so appreciate all of your support and encouragement - if you read through my comments of the last post, you can go to Andrew's post on the 5 Minute Method. I'm going to try that one - it seems to be the most sane for both parents and baby.
What Went Right:
Gosh, I didn't mean for this blog to take such a "downer" turn - but I am glad that my friends and readers have granted me "permission" to be honest. There are such joys, but we cannot overlook the very difficult and brush it aside and pretend we aren't struggling when we truly are. So, yup, I'm struggling - and praying, and talking (and writing) it out.
I am proud of myself for staying calm, not cussing at my husband or getting overly weepy (though tears did come when I tried to talk to him).
I stayed calm and loving with Cookie. I'm sure she probably sensed somehow that Mommy was not completely well and happy, but I followed through on the routine that I have come to know is so important.
I showered this morning (even shaved my legs), put on cool and comfortable cotton clothes, and thanked God that today my boss is working at home.
I blogged - which means I followed through on another promise, I get a sense of catharsis, and I get to connect with those of you who are going through this as well, who have gone before, or are going there in the near future.
Tonight I will give the crib-moving another shot, and if you stick with me, I'll continue to update my progress of growing into this motherhood role.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 8/02/2006 10:50:00 AM
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