Our Growing Cookie
Oh, how I love being in love. I've never been in love with a baby before, and it all seems so strange-beautiful. I've been thinking about her again while at work. Daddy Michael has been home/at work/running errands with her all day today and I'm more than a little envious.It seems like every day when I come home I notice that our Sugar Cookie is changing. She's putting on weight - her face is more rounded and her cheeks are more chubby and her nose more up-turned. Her arms and legs are chubbier, her hair thicker and darker, and her mouth and rosebud lips getting wider. When she looks at you, there's more focus to her gaze. She's more attentive and interactive, and she loves our "talks". Sometimes I do no more than tell her about my day and how annoying my boss was or how much work I did - and she is a better listener than anyone! She opens her eyes wide and stares at me in wonder and waves her pudgy arms all about. She still can't smile yet, but she will open her mouth wide and make a kind of panting/rapid breathing noise that tells you she's excited about something.
Last night I noticed that her face was changing even more. When she was born, she had a deep crease right above her nose - maybe a result of her face being smushed during delivery. The crease is almost gone now. It is all but a faint memory of how she looked when she came home to us from the hospital. Her eyelashes have grown in now, and are getting longer and fuller.
Sugar Cookie is a beautiful, delightful baby. I can't imagine what my life would be like if she weren't in it. I look forward to holding her when I get home from work. Sometimes I even like feeding her during the wee hours of the morning when she is half-asleep, warm, and cuddly. I often whisper to her that I love her, and most of the time I have to hold back the tears. How can you love someone so much who isn't even your child (legally)? I am terrified of what I would experience emotionally if she were to leave. We have still heard nothing from anyone - no calls or emails - nothing regarding Sugar Cookie or the biologicals.
I love to watch Michael with her. She fits so nicely snuggled into the curve of his arm while stretched out across his tummy. She never looks so at peace as when she is lying in that position. In fact, Michael usually looks very much at peace then, too. The two of them have this little "kissing" routine they do. He lifts her up to his face and kisses her nose, and then he holds her up a bit higher so she can "kiss" his nose too - only she ends up kind of sucking/gnawing on it with much delight. It always makes me giggle because it's funny and beautiful at the same time.
Sugar Cookie hasn't gone into daycare yet. Instead, she's been going to the office with Daddy Michael and then to class with him when he teaches. I imagine she's been learning more about theories of human communication than any other one-month old ever. She might even be learning more than his students have been. But sometime near the end of February she'll start going to daycare at a very nice place we feel good about. In fact, we are waiting longer so that we can enroll her there instead of other places that are closer or have immediate openings. In the meantime, we seem to have a pretty decent schedule worked out with Michael being her primary caregiver during the daylight hours and me taking over in the evenings and during most of the night. Lately, when she gets fussy right at 4 am, I call Michael back into action so I can eek out the last 2 precious hours of sleep before getting ready for work. He has yet to complain about it.
So far, Sugar Cookie only sleeps about 2 to 3 hours at a time at night. She is usually pretty calm until around 10 - then fussy until midnight. At that point, she will drain a bottle, poop and pee, and pass out until about 3. At that point, she will eat and sleep a bit more until 4 or 5 - and if we are really, really lucky she will sleep until the alarm goes off at 6. But when the alarm goes off - she is A-wake (with a capital A). I had better get her food NOW or she will let me know that she does NOT appreciate the delay in the coming of the bottle. Holy cow, the girl has good lungs. She can holler! But thankfully most of the time, she's easy to appease. When I left for work this morning at 7:30, Michael was fast asleep on the sofa downstairs and Sugar Cookie was fast asleep in her carrier next to the sofa. He had taken her downstairs at 4:30 this morning so I could get more sleep. I have no idea how long he was up with her so I let them sleep.
My primary complaint of the day is that I have somehow hurt my back - really, really hurt my back. This is not your run-of-the-mill backache. This is war. A few years ago I hurt my back by riding a stationary bike too vigorously in an attempt to loose weight. I ended up falling in the shower not because I slipped, but because my back gave out when my sciatic nerve was smashed between vertebrae. I had to roll myself down the hallway to teach in my rolly office chair and students would then roll me back down the hallway afterwards. My then-husband would pick me up from work and carry me into the car and back out again once we were home. This went on for weeks, and thanks to Celebrex and rest, I healed. Unfortuantely, I'm feeling it again. I don't know if it's the same thing, but it feels that way. If it doesn't get better over the weekend, I'm going to have to go to the doctor. Of course, if I lost some of this extra weight I'm carrying around, my back would probably feel better too - but then I'd be hungry! :)
Dear Lord, thank you for making Fridays, and for creating weekends so we could sleep.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 1/20/2006 03:22:00 PM
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