Enter Biomom
In a New York minute - oooooh oooooh ooooh - everything can change.Sugar Cookie now has a permanent worker - R.
R. called me this morning and told me that the initial hearing on Sugar Cookie's case is this morning, and dispositions will be scheduled later on. She has been in contact with Biomom via phone, and Biomom says she will be in court this morning. Biomom also wants visits, and she has a right to them. So, tomorrow, Michael will take Sugar Cookie to the cabinet office at noon for her very first meeting with Biomom since birth. Tomorrow Sugar Cookie will be 5 weeks old.
For now, R. says Biomom will have visits twice a month for an hour until she shows some progress. At most, she will have weekly visits for an hour.
I don't know what Biomom will have to do to get Sugar Cookie back. I asked about Biodad, and R. doesn't even know if he is in the county, or if he is still in jail back in another county. I guess he has a hearing later on, too. R. didn't know much. I asked a ton of questions, and all the answers were basically "we'll have to see what happens". While I know all that is true, I guess I see this as so strange. It seems you always hear about people trying to do "what's in the best interest of the child", yet I have rarely seen that done in the system. Instead, I see children shuffled around and in and out of foster care, relatives homes, bioparent homes, and back to foster care in the name of "reuniting families". That's not reuniting families - it's torture.
I feel like crying, but I can't. I'm at work - and even if I could cry, I wouldn't know what to cry about. I don't feel helpless - but I hurt.
R. asked that we send a disposable camera to the visit so workers can take pictures of Sugar Cookie and Biomom so that she can see what her Biomom looked like if she does not get to return "home". In a way, that feels so weird. I can't imagine what it will feel to get those pictures developed and see what Biomom looks like. At the worst, I've thought of her as a monster who could have killed her baby. At best, I've thought of her as a desperately ill addict who couldn't help herself and didn't want to hurt her baby, but had no control over her actions.
Biodad is a monster. I will not write about what he did to be in jail - but I will say it is not your garden variety of abuse. It is the worst of all forms of abuse. It is unspeakable. In my mind, there is no punishment that is severe enough for what he did to a child or children.
The worst nightmares I have are about what could happen to Sugar Cookie if she is returned to those people and that life. Even if they "follow their case plan", I know the likelihood that Sugar Cookie will have a poor quality of life. Would she have good nutrition, safe housing, good schools, warm clothes - even the basics? And above that - who would teach her about Jesus and pray with her? Would she have the opportunity to go the best college she could get in to? Would she have stability and security?
Tomorrow Michael will take our 5 week old Sugar Cookie to the cabinet office. He will likely learn a little about how the court date went this morning. Then on Friday at 4, R. will come to our home for a visit to see where Sugar Cookie lives. I hope R. does not stay as tight-lipped as she did on the phone with me this morning. I need information. I need to know if I am to guard my heart against certain pain, or if I am to be hopeful about the future of our relationship with this baby.
I didn't know I could fall in love with a baby that is not mine biologically. I worried about that when we considered adoption. But now I feel like a mother lioness protecting her cub. What would I do for this baby? Anything. I would do anything. How long did it take for me to come to that conclusion? Days, maybe.
I know logically that God has a plan in all this. I know it. My human nature is to try to control it - work it so it fits my plan and timeline. But this is the perfect situation because I can't do a darn thing, and God knows that. I think He is smiling at me knowing that I know that He knows - like a parent laughs at his child knowing his child's faults and loving them just the same.
We will need a lot of prayer to get through this week as we find out more about the plan for Sugar Cookie's future. Please remember us tomorrow around noon time and Friday around 4. We will need all the strength we can muster. I would just like to get through the week without crying about it all.
Please, God, no matter what your will is, please don't let this situation drag on and on for us. Please let us know quickly - as quickly as possible - what will become of Sugar Cookie and our family. You know what we can handle, and we are willing to go the distance with you and with this child. But we beg you - please don't let us suffer too long.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 1/23/2006 09:34:00 AM
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