Alone Again - 23 Hours Later
Just as I had sat down at the WIC office to fill out my paperwork for Rufus, my cell phone rang. It was the social worker. They were giving the baby back to the birth mother today. She asked if I wanted to bring the baby to the office, or if I wanted her to pick him up. It was hard to get the words out.In the car on the way there, I cried and was not quite sure why I was crying.
I figured all this would be hard, and it was.
I brought him to the office. Inside the door stood a couple - a woman who looked to be about 30, clearly recently un-pregnant, and a young man. As I walked through the door, I heard her whisper to the man, "That's my baby", and she smiled and her eyes lit up. I checked in at the desk, then turned and asked her if she wanted to hold him. She was so happy. I sat down next to her, and she unfastened him from the carrier and held him close to her.
The workers called us back into a room where we met with other workers and the woman's other son, who looked to be about 7 or 8. He was happy to see his new baby brother.
Somehow, it made it bearable.
The workers asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell the birth mom about the baby or about last night. I managed to get this out:
"I'm so glad you have your baby. We prayed and prayed for you last night. It's good to see you smile."
I had prayed for this birth mom, and God answered that prayer. The judge will dismiss her case on Monday, but agreed to allow her to take the baby even though he is officially still in state custody until Monday (on paper anyway). This is clearly the best for mom and for baby.
I will probably never know why our first placement as foster parents was this placement. I will never know what God had in mind with this.
It hurts. I wish I could have my own baby in the hospital, and bring him home and breastfeed him. I know my husband knows that, and he knows that I hurt. I know he would give a lot to change the circumstances.
On the way out of the center office, the social worker for the family asked if there was anything she could do for me. I said, "Send me another baby." She said, "Soon. Very soon."
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 10/06/2005 03:34:00 PM
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