Some People
The following was posted in response to my heart-felt blog regarding our difficult second home study:"That post made me really uncomfortable. I'm not sure either of you are truly ready to start a family. Infertility issues aside, I think the idea of adoption and foster care is great. But I think those children need a stable home to go into and your anger and resentment, along with your husbands inability to communicate with you or anyone else, seems like the kind of eggshell emotional environment that damages children as much as a fist does."
I am not ashamed to reveal that when I came in to work on this beautiful Thursday and sat down to read my email - I cried when I read this. It hurt very bad to read that anyone would believe that my husband and I would "damage a child as much as a fist does". For as much as we would love a child, how could someone say that - someone who has no idea who I am or who my husband is? What happened to supporting each other and building each other up?
What's even more frightening is that the comment likely came from someone who is a member of my on-line support group for women with PCOS and infertility problems. I post on Yahoo's group PCOS Pals on occasion and read the post daily. We were asked by the leader to do a roll call and tell about ourselves. I wrote out a short version of my story with PCOS, and said we were adopting soon, and linked to my blog so folks could read about my journey. If that is where that anonymous poster came from, then I am even more saddened. It is clear to me this person is not out to support or encourage anyone. It is also clear this person has never gone through the foster care classes and training, nor undergone the difficult home studies that are probative, invasive, embarrassing, and unnerving, and even traumatic.
Folks, if you're not going to support and encourage someone, stay off their blogs and out of their personal trials and tribulations. Why would you pour salt in an otherwise painful wound? What is your goal in life? At the end of the day, whose lives are better because you got out of bed and onto your computer?
Yes, my husband and I are imperfect - but you know what we have that this anonymous poster might not? We have Jesus Christ. We are imperfect, fatally flawed, yet forgiven. The love we have comes not from us, but from Jesus our Lord and Savior. What we give a child will not come from us, but from Him THROUGH us. Jesus doesn't give fists, he gives love and compassion and forgiveness. If we relied solely on our selves to be parents, we would make horrible mistakes. We will still make mistakes because we are human and imperfect, but God has promised us that with Him, we cannot fail!
If you posted this comment and happen to re-visit my blog, please know that I am praying for you. I pray that God reveals to you ways to be an encourager and supporter. I pray that He prevents you from hurting anyone else today, or from causing someone who is already hurting from the pain of infertility and the invasive, searing questions of a social worker even more hurt and frustration.
Until you have experienced anything close to what my husband and I have, please don't judge my reactions and innermost thoughts and feelings that I was brave enough to honestly reveal here. And even if you have been though the arduous process, please understand that our experiences may be very different from yours, and respect that.
Please pray for us, and all the other dear families, women, and men going through this process.
posted by No Longer In Crisis @ 8/25/2005 08:50:00 AM
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